


Forget me not

by shinystar66



Series: Forget my soul I'm coming back to yours [6]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memory Loss, This one is gonna hurt a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-26 19:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15669996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinystar66/pseuds/shinystar66
Summary: “What if I lost all my memories and had no idea who you are?” Isak asksEven pulls him closer, kisses his shoulder. “I’d make you fall in love with me all over again”(https://archiveofourown.org/works/13759170)





	1. Who are you?

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Inspired by other people's works? Again? More likely than you think.  
> I was reading this fic that I linked in the summary written by the amazing Gaya-who is one of my favourite authors in the fandom-and I just couldn't let go of the idea.
> 
> This is some heavy angst so keep that in mind while reading. Like, I started crying while writing and had to stop for a while becuase I literally couldn't see the screen anymore because of the tears. Just to prepare yourself.

When Even got the phone call that night, he felt like as if the ground had been swept off his feet, as if it was the end of world. 

“Hello. Is this Even Bech Næsheim?” Even’s heart was in his throat. _Shit this can’t be good._

"I’m calling from the Oslo University hospital. Isak Valtersen has been involved in a car accident and he has you listed as an emergency contact."

Even swears his heart stopped in that moment. His ears were ringing and his vision was getting blurry. He dropped the phone.

_No no no no_

“Sir? Are you still there?”

_No no no no this can’t be happening it must be a dream, a nightmare. He would wake up and Isak would be there next to him holding him and kissing his tears away-_

“Hello?”

He snapped back to reality and clutched the phone to his ear with trembling hands.

“Yeah Yeah I’m here.”

“I know this might be…hard to hear but he is in critical condition. He-”

Even couldn’t hear anymore, tears were already falling down his cheeks and he felt like suffocating.

“I’ll be there in 10.”

And that day had started so good.

***

_Even woke up to the feeling of kisses being pressed all over his face. He giggled and opened his eyes slowly. Isak was on top of him with a blinding smile and blonde curls dangling all over. And if that sight didn't do wonders to him, even though it was the image he had been waking up to for years now._

_"Hi! Good morning sleeping beauty. I made coffee and I'm late" he said and was ready to get out of bed but Even grabbed him by the middle._

_"5 more minutes. I need morning cuddles and kisses."_

_Isak laughed and rolled his eyes. "No. I am meeting Sana in 10 minutes. I have to go." But Even was having none of it and pulled Isak on top of him again to kiss him._

_"When did you become so needy?" Isak asked after a 5-minute-long make out session that left him breathless. "Fuck stop if we continue I'll really have a problem." He pulled away and Even pouted._

_"You know you used to be just like this?" Even asked as Isak was putting on a jacket. "I mean you were the one begging me to stay in bed with you more. But then you got into med school and became so mature and busy and stressed 27/4."_

_"That's what med school does to you." Isak pointed out. "Today is important because they will finally let me work as an intern at the hospital. I'm so excited and you should be happy for me." He continued as he grabbed a banana and his keys from the kitchen counter. He sighed when he saw that Even was still frowning. "See you tonight okay? We'll do whatever you want then."_

_Even smiled. "You'll do that thing you do in the shower?" He raised his brows suggestively._

_Isak rolled his eyes "Sure. Whatever. Bye." He said as he closed the door behind him._

_"Love you!" Even shouted after him but Isak had already left._

***

Even doesn’t think he had run this fast in his entire life. Not even years ago, back when Isak gave him an ultimatum and he went running to his apartment.

After he arrived at the hospital, everything was in a blur. He barely registered the doctor's words: surgery, brain trauma, broken ribs, massive internal bleeding. It was a lot to take in and he didn’t understand half of the words anyway. Isak is the med student. He would know this. Which immediately led him to a horrible thought: _It should have been me. Not him. It should have been me._

He called his parents because he needed some kind of comfort. He was a man in his twenties and he was bawling like a baby in his mother’s arms in a hospital waiting room.

*** 

"The good news is that he survived the surgery. The bad news is that...he is in a coma now." 

*** 

_After Isak left, Even sighed and got dressed because he was also supposed to go to uni. He was in his last year of film school and he worked as an intern at nrk. They were filming a tv show for teenagers at the moment._

_He was not famous. Yet. He only posted short movies on youtube that he filmed with Mikael's help, which were actually their assignments for school. It is true that they had a lot of views and positive comments, but he was far from becoming a director. He was working on something big though. But it was also far from from being done._

_The day passed by pretty quickly. After school and work, he hung out with the boys for a while. Met Yousef who was studying to become a history teacher and chatted a bit. Arranged a double date the next day because they both agreed that Sana and Isak were too stressed and needed a break. Yousef's phone pinged and he said that he got a text from Sana that she would be home soon so he should go._

_Even nodded and after checking his own phone, he saw that there was no text from Isak. He went home and it was an hour later and there was still no sign from his boyfriend, even though he tried calling him repeatedly. He didn't worry too much though, it was not the first time Isak came home late and said it was because he was held back at work and that his phone had died._

_Even thought about calling Yousef to see if Sana got home when his phone finally rang. But it was not who he was hoping for._

_***_

__

Day 1

“Hi baby. The doctors told me that it would be good if I talked to you a little. Apparently it is said that people in comas can hear everything around them and that some patients who woke up confirmed that. I remember that you didn’t believe in this when we were watching 'If I stay.' You said: _Oh Even that’s bullshit I don’t think comas work like that._ But I sure hope that you can hear me now.”

Day 2

“I said that I wouldn’t cry again but I can’t.” He sobs. “I miss you so much. Every minute that you don’t wake up is pure torture. I miss your eyes” he traces his fingers along his face softly, careful not to disturb the oxygen mask “And your smile and your laugh. I even miss your grumpiness and the snarky remarks. God baby I miss you.”

Day 3

“I know I have said this a thousand times for the past 4 years we have been dating, but it still doesn’t feel like I have said it enough. I love you so much, i have never loved someone as much as I love you. It scares me sometimes, how strong my feelings for you are, but I am not scared of our love, no, it is the most beautiful thing that could have happened to me.”

Day 4

“Please fight Isak. Please don’t leave me please please. I can’t do this without you.”

Day 5

“You know who visited you today? Sana, Eva, Noora, Vilde and Chris. The boys are coming here almost every day too. They miss you. Your friends need you Issy. Actually **I** need you because I realised something. You are not just my soulmate, you are my entire soul. You are all of me, my entire world, my universe. I don’t think that I can live without you. I am serious. Actually maybe I could, but I definitely don’t want to. I refuse to exist in a word where you don’t.”

Day 6

“You sure scared the shit out of me today baby. I really thought that I had lost you…I have never felt that scared in my entire life. Maybe just when I got the call from the hospital that you were here. But you are stable now, so it’s okay. Don’t ever do that again please. ”

Day 7

“I need you. Maybe I am going to sound selfish when I say this, but please do it for me. Wake up. I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t function, I can’t breathe. I think I am slipping. Please I am begging you here. I need you.”

Day 8

“Wake up wake up **wake up** ”

*** 

And he did. It was a miracle, according to the doctors.

"Hi" Even told him that day, squeezing his hand hard like he had been doing for the past 9 days. “I missed you” Tears were already forming in his eyes and threatening to fall.

Isak looked confused, there was no recognition in his gaze. 

“Who are you?”

***

Isak doesn't remeber him. Great. Out of all the 'what if's' conversations they had, it had to be this one that became reality. He would rather they lived on streets. Or Isak joined the circus. Or literally anything except for this. But he made a promise back then. And if it had been him and him only that Isak forgot about, maybe Even would have broken the promise and said alright. He deserves somebody better anyway. But Isak doesn't seem to remeber anybody else. Not his parents, not his friends, not even who he himself was before the accident. 

He looks like a lost child, hurt, scared and confused, eyes vacant and soul empty. And Even would be damned if he wasn't the one to help Isak in this state. The doctor said that there was a slight chance he might remember things, at least glimpses of his past, but it could take weeks, months or even years. And Even was willing to take that chance.

"Hi b"-he can't say that now, god it hurt. "Isak. How are you feeling?" He sits next to his bed on a chair, and has to stop himself again, from reaching to take Isak's hand in his own.

"Better. My head isn't killing me anymore. And they took off the oxygen mask."

"Good. I'm glad." Even smiles. "Look I brought you some clothes and some books from home so you don't get bored while staying here. Just your nerdy stuff, astronomy and biology, that's all you ever read."

"We live together?" Isak asks mouth open.

_Oh shit shit. Don't overwhelm him with too much information, that's what the doctors said._

"Yeah. We are...flatmates." _What the fuck_

"Flatmates? Nice. You seem like a nice flatmate."  
   
Even raises his eyebrows: "Really? How so?"

"Well apart from the fact that you look...like that..."

Even chuckles. _Is Is he flirting with me? Is he trying to kill me? God._

"I don't know, you seem genuinely nice, like the kind of person who always does the chores and stuff."

The older man snorts. "Actually it's you that is obsessed with doing the dishes and laundry. I forget about them sometimes."

"Then why do I live with you?" Isak smirks but there is no maliciousness in his tone, only a hint of teasing. 

Good question. Even asked himself that a couple of times. "Well maybe becaue of my..." _he can't make a sexual joke godammit._ "Cooking skills. You love my cooking." _That's not really a lie._

"If you say so." Isak smiles but then doubles over and winces in pain.

"What's wrong?!" Even asks coming to take a closer look, eyes full of concern.

"It hurts...to breathe. Bad."

"Hold on. I'll ask for help."

***

After that day he crashed. It was expected, he knew it would happen. His life had been pretty chaotic the past week and a half. He barely slept and only took his meds a few times. The mania was short-lived but the depression that came after...the worst he's had in years because this time Isak wasn't around to baby him and make his days a little brighter. He stayed with his parents and they did everything they could, but he was too far gone in his head.

***  
_Darkness_

__

__

_Silence_

__

__

_Lights turned off and on_

__

__

_Motion outside his room_

__

__

_A hand-his mom's on his back sometimes_

__

__

_A glass of water and a sandwich on the nightstand_

__

__

_Dogs barking outside_

__

__

_The woosh of the air_

__

__

_The sound of the clock ticking_

__

__

_Days. Weeks passing_

__

__

_Tears. A lot of them._

***

"Hey roomie" Isak sits next to him on the mattress. "For somebody who said that he lived with me, you sure don't seem to."

No answer 

"I heard about your bipolar, didn't mean to intrude. Sorry. One of my 'friends', Magnus? Is that his name? Yeah I think so. The blonde one anyway, he told me and I'm sorry if you didn't want me to know. I don't remeber if we were close or anything, but that is your apartment too, and I don't think that the fact that I don't remeber you should stop you from coming home. So what do you say? Will you come home with me?"

Even wants to laugh because even now, when he doesn't remeber him, after almost dying and being in a coma for more than a week, Isak still cares about him and is still the one to look after him when it should be the other way around.

"Okay." The ghost of a smile forms on his face.

***

After that, he started feeling better and went back to uni and work. 

"We are not just rommates, are we?" Isak blurts one day.

_Well shit_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Next there will be more flashbacks, more about the accident, Isak's pov and the boy squad making an appearance. Let me know if I should continue this, I was not very sure about posting it.


	2. Shut up Magnus!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments. Not much to say about this chapter, just that I am really excited about this story and hope you will stick with me until the end. Enjoy!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at shinystar66

Isak hates driving, loathes it with all his heart. But he got a driver licence after all, out of necessity if anything. Because he didn't want to depend on Even to drive him around. They moved into a larger apartment this year. It has two bedrooms and a living room, but it is located quite far from uni and the hospital that Isak now works at, so he can't just walk from one play to another. And he never gets to the station in time to catch the tram, so that is not a solution either. Thus, the reason he learned how to drive. 

It was past 21 and pouring outside and he was beyond tired. He loved his first day as an intern, but it had completely drained him, both emotionally and phisically and he just couldn't wait to go home and cuddle with his boyfriend, burried deep under the covers. His eyes were already dropping shut but he pulled himself together because he had to pay attention to the road. _Focus_

Suddenly, a bright light that was coming dangerously close from ahead blinded him, and before he got the chance to react or try to do anything, the vehicle had already collided with his car in a loud crash. 

***

_Darkness_

__

_Sirens. A loud and agnoizing sound._

__

_Pain. So much pain._

__

__

Suddenly he felt somebody force a bright light in his eyes and a strange voice, one he has never heard before asked: Can you hear me? He wanted to answer yes but he gagged instead, feeling a warm liquid and a metalic taste in his mouth. _Blood. It's blood fuck._

_Then he sensed somebody lifting him._

__

__

_More lights_

__

__

_A lot of beeping sounds and unknown voices that were talking too fast for him to catch up with them._

__

__

_"We're losing him!"_ he managed to distinguish a voice that was shouting. 

_Darkness again_

__

__

***  
He was aware of someone cutting his shirt and then he felt a sharp sting in his wrist and the feeling of a liquid spreading through his system.

All the pain vanished then, being replaced with numbness. All the chill in his body changed to warmth.

_Wait. Is this what dying feels like? He can't die, he is too young to die. Oh my god he can't leave him, he would suffer too much. Even. Even. **Even.**_

_Something was forced down his throat and then he felt nothing at all._

*** 

When he came to, his head was pounding, he was sore all over and there was a man in front of him who was crying and holding his hand. The guy was..beautiful. That's the first thing he noticed. He had blue eyes, blonde swoopy hair and full big lips that were forming a bright smile, despite the tears that falling down his face. But he also had dark circles under his eyes and he looked kind of pale. 

"Who are you?" He didn't realise he had said the words out loud until he saw the man's face fall and his smile completely disappearing. _Oh no. Please don't be sad. I don't know you but for some reason I hate seeing you sad._

He would have liked to talk more to the mysterious blonde, but another man came to his room and started asking him a lot of question that he had no idea how to answer. 

"Isak? Do you know when you were born?" _Is that his name, it sounds nice._

"No." 

"Do you know what year we are in then?" 

He tried to think but his head was hurting too much. 

"No. I'm sorry" he answered, suddenly feeling scared and anxious. _What is going on?_

"It's okay." The doctor-Isak supposed, said. "Try and get some rest. You will most likely sleep a lot in the next few days." He wrote something down. 

"Can you follow my finger with your eyes?" Isak thought that was strange but he obeyed. 

"Okay this is good. Can you move your arms?" 

He tried, but it was like they were boneless and he only managed to twitch his fingers. 

"It's fine." He wrote something down again. "Are you in pain?" He asked and when Isak nodded he continued. "On a scale from 1 to 10 how bad is it? I want an honest answer." 

He thought about it. "7" 

"Alright. I will give you some painkillers that will hopefully help you relax." he said as he put something in his perfusion, then turned to the blonde guy. 

"Amnesia. It is extremly common among patients whith brain damage." he heard him say and the beautiful man looked devasted. Isak wanted to smooth the frown between his eyebrows. "We can't tell how bad it is because he is not fully conscious yet. It will take a few days for him to fully recover and only then will we be able to have an exact diagnose. Aside from that, we are not sure yet but his vitals are strong and he should be fine." 

Isak wanted to listen to the conversation more but his mind was cloudy and foggy and he fell into a dreamless sleep. 

*** 

Two days passed and Isak still didn't remember anything. The doctor was frowning and furiously writing. Blondie was looking at him with worried eyes. He got to talk to him a little and found out that they were flatmates, but he still didn't know his name. After the incident when his chested started hurting badly and he felt like he couldn't breathe, (apparently he had broken ribs that weren't completely healed yet) he didn't see the guy again. 

Three other boys came to see him instead.

"So you don't know who we are? You don't remember us at all?" A black guy with a buzzcut asked. 

"No. I'm sorry." 

"Mahdi, Even already told us that he is suffering from memory loss. Don't be a dick!" A guy with bushy eyebrows and curly hair said. Isak had a feeling that he had known this one for a long time. 

"Who's Even?" Isak asked. 

"Holy shit. You don't even rememeber Even?" A blonde guy brought his hands to his face. "That's so messed up bro. I can't believe it." 

"Shut up Magnus!" The other two shouted in unison. 

"Is he the tall blonde guy? My flatmate? He was here when I woke up but I haven't seen him in a while." Isak suddenly realised. 

The three guys looked at each other and Magnus started laughing. 

"He told you that you are flatmates? That's hilarious. Ha!" 

"Magnus!" the other two repeated and Bushy eyebrows sighed. 

Isak suddenly felt overwhelmed by their presence. 

"Hey hey it's okay." Eyebrows seemed to have noticed his discomfort. "You'll remeber eventually. I mean. I hope. He bit his lower lip "I'm Jonas, this is Mahdi and the dumbass who puts his foot in his mouth is Magnus" 

"Hey!" Magnus exclaimed and Isak chucked at that 

"You and I have known each other since we were six." So Isak's feeling proved to be right. "You met them later in our second year at Nissen, so yeah, we went to school together and we are your friends."  

Isak looked at them for a while and then said: "I'm sorry that I don't remember you. But it is probably because of the damage to my medial temporal lobe, or maybe it was the hippocampus that was affected. I don't know. Or maybe the memory loss was caused by the sedatives they gave me before the surgery. There could be many factors that contributed to my actual state. I have retrograde amnesia, but it is strange becasue cases like mine, in which a person forgets their entire past life are rare and extremly unlikely so I don't-" he stopped when he saw the dumbfounded looks on the boys' faces. _Where is this coming from? How come I know this?_

"Holy shit! You remember all this shit you learned in med school but you can't remeber us!" 

"Magnus!"

*** 

"Maybe you need to hit your head again to get your memories back?" Magnus came up with a solution later. 

"No. That stuff only happens in movies. If I hit my head that bad a second time I will just be more likely to die. " 

The boys looked at him in horror. 

*** 

Sana also visited him. 

"Alhamdulillah. I was so worried about you. What would I have done without my bio buddy at uni and work, huh?" 

Isak just looked at her and studied her, but he was smiling. 

"I heard about your memory loss. I'm going to try not to be too offended by the fact that you don't remeber me." She said as she looked for something in her bag. "I talked to the professors by the way. They said that you should take as long as you need to recover and that you will just take the final exams when you can, that your grades will not be affected...So I brought you some books from school..and these flowers. They are called 'forget-me-not' actually." 

Isak snorted: "ha ha very funny Sanasol" 

Sana stopped and stared at him :"You just called me Sanasol" 

"Oh. I guess I did. Should I not?" 

"No! I mean this is a good sign. Great actually. It means that you remeber stuff." She smirked : "I knew you are still somewhere in there Isabell" she said pointing at his head. 

*** 

After two weeks, they let him go home. They were some very tiring weeks. He got visits from his friends almost every day and even though he found out some things about his past thanks to them, he still couldn't remeber anything about it on his own. 

While he was sill at the hospital, he read the books Even and Sana brought him and realised how much stuff he knows. He remembered that he believes in the theory of parallel universes and something...something about some yellow curtains? 

When the boys drove him home, he saw how big and nice the apartment he lived in is, and suddenly remembered that he is supposed to share it with somebody. 

"So where's that Even guy?" 

Ths boys looked at each other. 

Isak frowned. "Did something happen to him?" He didn't know why that thought made him feel so upset but it did. 

"It's not really ours to tell... but he is bipolar. And I think that he is having a depressive episode right now. Magnus said. "He is with his parents but he asked about you almost every day." He smiled. "I think he would be really happy if you paid him a visit" 

Isak couldn't explain why, again, but he felt very worried about Even's state and went to see him. He also convinced him to come back to their apartment. 

Four days passed and he soon realised that maybe he made a mistake because Even was so nice to him, too nice and his food actually tasted great. He wasn't kidding. Jeez. He felt really dumb because he was like a teenager with a crush, constantly blushing whenever they did as much as brush their arms against each other while in the kitchen . _Holy shit stop it you are just roomates._

*** 

_“I miss you so much."_

_"I love you so much baby."_

_“I need you."_

_"I don’t think that I can live without you"_

_"Please fight Isak. Please don’t leave me please please. I can’t do this without you."_

_"Wake up wake up"_

*** 

Isak wakes up in a cold sweat and starts breathing heavily. _What was that...It almost felt like..a memory._ That was Even's voice...but it can't be him. Impossible. He said he loved him. **Loved.** That is a tad too much for roomates...but it was him, and he sounded so heartbroken Isak suddenly feels the need to go and hug him, no matter how weird things might be between them after that in case it was just some kind of messed up dream. 

So he gets up and is ready to go to Even's room when he realises that he is shirtless. He opens a drawer looking for a hoodie, when a small box falls onto the ground. _Is that_...Isak's hands start trembling. Inside the box there is a ring. A RING. And there is a small folded piece of paper with his signature on it. 

_Dear Even I know that we are very young, but I was never more sure of anything in my entire life (...) All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my days with you (...) So what do you say, Mannen i mit liv, will you marry me?"_

Isak needs to lie down. Fuck fuck fuck not only are they dating but it is so serious that he was planning to propose soon. _Why didn't he tell me?? Oh my god he must feel terrible that I don't remeber him fuck. What am I going to do._

Isak doesn't sleep the rest of that night. Or the next one. Or the next one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next we go back to Even


	3. Earth to Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a change of pov close to the end of this chapter.

Even is fidgeting on a bench in the park. Things were okay now. His episode ended. He went back to uni and work and when he got home, he made sure Isak ate and took his meds. _Oh how the tables have turned._ But he was still feeling horrible because Isak didn’t remeber him or anybody else for that matter, and his state didn’t seem to have improved at all. _What if we will never get back to the way we were._ What is even worse is the fact that he seems to have trouble sleeping and Even can’t just cuddle him to help him relax like he used to. _What if he can’t sleep because he is still in pain? Shit._

“Hey man!” Jonas greets him as he sits next to him on the bench “How’s Isak?”

Even sighs: “He is fine…phisically”

Jonas looks at him in concern :“He still doesn’t remeber you?”

Even shakes his head no. “I feel like shit Jonas you have no idea. I missed him so much while he was in that coma and now he’s right there next to me but I feel like he is so far away. And while I thank all the stars and the deities that he is alive, I just can’t help but feel like..like I really lost him.”

“I’m really sorry that you are feeling like this…but you can’t just give up on him, there is a chance that he might get his memories back” Jonas point out. “You need to have hope.”

“I know I know it is just frustrating. I can’t even touch him for god’s sake because he thinks that we are roomates.”

"And who’s fault is that? You came up with this shit.”

“Yes. But what was I supposed to say? You know, we are actually boyfriends, come here and love me again! What if…what if he won’t feel the same way about me, even if he does remember?"

"Even that’s bullshit and you know it. No. Listen to me. We are talking about Isak here. You know what he told me once we were high as a kite? He said. Wait before that. You know how he believes in the theory of parallel universes, right?”

Even nods and encourages Jonas to continue.

“He said and I quote: _‘You know Jonas, I think that I fall in love with Even in all those universes. Like I can’t see a version of myself that doesn’t fall for him, no matter how similar or different that reality is from ours. I think we always find each other. I’d still love him if I were 7 or 30 when we met. I’d still be head over hills for them even if we were both girls, even if..’_ And I stopped him there and told him to shut up because he is too smitten and gone. You get it now?”

Even looks at him in amazement and tears are already forming in his eyes. “But what if he will never get his memories back?”

“Make him fall in love with you all over again. I already told you that he believed that you two are meant for each other no matter what.”

“That’s exactly what I told him I would do when we talked about this last year.”

“You talked about this…wait. What?!”

***

Even picks his camera up and looks through his photos. He was supposed to see Mikael before meeting up with Jonas and having that emotional talk with him.

He smiles seeing the bunch of footage he had of him and Isak. He was planning to use all of it to propose to him through a movie one day. _Well that plan went out the window. At least for now._ There’s pictures of them in their old apartment, in Morocco, in Italy and Spain, at his parents’ house, photos of them at various anniversaries, birthdays and parties, pictures with their friends or with his or Isak’s parents. He stops at a picture in which they were both drenched with rain, but smiling brightly nevertheless.

_“Even, I can’t believe you are so irresponsible that you lost your keys. And now we have to stay here in the rain because of you!”_

_“Well why don’t you have your keys, huh?”_

_“I forgot them at Eva’s. I told you already."_

_"Oh and I am the irresponsible one?” Even mocked._

_Isak rolled his eyes while their clothes were getting wetter and darker with each passing minute because of the huge quantity of water that was pouring all over them._

_“Let’s go under that tree!” Isak suggests._

_“Are you kidding me? What if a lighting strucks that tree and it falls on our heads?!”_

_Isak rolled his eyes again. “Alright, then let’s use the interphone until a neighbour feels bad about us and lets us in. Then we will sleep on the rug in front of our door. Or maybe mrs Julie will let us stay over, she is a nice old lady.”_

_“Okay. But before that. Let’s not waste a moment like this. Come on kiss me!”_

_“Really?”_

_“Really.”_

_“Even, we are not in a movie. Can’t you see how uncomfortable we are already? Even my boxers are wet and not in the way you’d like.-”_

_Even shuts Isak up by pressing his lips against his and then they are kissing and kissing with tongue and teeth clattering against each other, but it feels just like the first time, even after three years the butterflies are still there. And they are coming closer and closer to each other-never close enough, their clothes are soaked and their bodies already trembling because of the coldness, but their hearts are full of warmth and that is all that matters._

_“We are so gonna catch a cold” Isak mumbles before diving in again._

_And they did. So bad that they both had to stay home for a week after that. But it was totally worth it._

*** 

"Earth to Even!" Mikael is waving a hand in front of him. "I’ve been calling your name for the past 5 minutes." He says and then smiles when he notices the photo on Even's camera. "You were in 'Isak' trance I see."

Even laughs."Yeah something like that." Then his smile suddenly falls remembering the state his boyfriend is in.

“Are you okay?" Mikael asks as he sits next to him. 

"Not really.” Even sighs.

“I know exactly how you are feeling. You are grieving him even though he is still alive”

“How-”

“I’ve been there. That’s how I felt about you when you..you know.”

“What-”

“You were my best friend Ev. And then I found out that you almost died. Then you never contacted me again. In my head it was like you were dead even though you were safe and sound. I think that was a better alternative than the fact that you just didn’t want to talk to me anymore"

"Fuck Mik. I am sorry. I didn’t know.” 

"It's fine. I am over it. We talked about this already so no need to add more baggage to your trauma." 

_(It was true that they talked about this, soon after the karaoke incident. Even found out that Mikael is also gay and that it wasn't all in his head like he had thought, Mikael reciprocated his feelings. But he was too scared to come to terms with himself back then and that is why he freaked out. Soon after his confession, he also came out to the boys and started dating Adam. So Even knew all about what happened, except for the fact that he was mourned apparently, which is brand new information.)_

Even snorts at that. They sit in silence for a while until Mikael speaks up again: 

“You had this thing... You believed that love stories have to end in tragedy to be 'epic.' I hope you don’t feel like that anymore."

"Of course not! God you have no idea what I’ve been through when he was at the hospital. Fuck it was like my whole life came crashing down."

"I can imagine…I’ve been through that too, I already told you.”

“Fuck.”

*** 

"You have all this footage...why don't you just show it to him, maybe it will help him remeber." Mikael suggests later. 

"You think it could work?" 

"Well it is worth a shot, isn't it?"

*** 

 

It’s the third sleeples night in a row and Isak is exhausted. He gets dressed and goes into the kitchen where Mr Perfect who was out with somebody named Mikael all night ( _who the fuck is that?)_ is making his famous eggs again.

"Good morning!“ Even greets him. _Fuck that smile I get why I wanted to marry you now_

When he doesn’t respond and only slumps down in a chair at the table, Even approaches him and eyes him up and down worriedly : “Are you okay? Are you in pain? Do i need to take you to the hospital?”

"No. Even chill. I just…didn’t really sleep last night.”

“Oh. Okay…You know you could come to my room if you have trouble sleeping, I-I don’t mind.”

 _Oh I’m sure you don’t._

"We are not just roomates. Are we?” Isak blurts.

Even looks at him, eyes wide and mouth open :“Do you…do you remember anything?”

“No.” _Maybe, if those words in his dream mean anything. But he is not telling him about those. And he can’t tell him about the ring and the proposal message either, no way._ “I just…saw a picture…of us.”

“You saw a picture of us.” Even repeats, looks at him and then snorts, actually laughs. _how dare he._ “You know you are a shit liar. I can always tell when you are lying to me.”

“What? I am the master of lying. No one is better at lying than me...But that is not the point now. "Why did **you** lie to me?”

Even looks down at his feet “I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t have an explanation. I just…at first I didn’t want to overwhelm you with too much information because that was the doctor’s advice. He said that if I told you too much stuff at once you may only get headaches and I didn’t want you to hurt anymore. And then I…just didn’t know how to tell you.”

_He didn’t want me to hurt anymore oh my god. Now I almost feel bad for calling him out.  
_

“I see. So you let me pine after you for like a week? It was funny to you, huh?“ 

"You’ve been ‘pining’ after me?” Even’s voice cracks and he laughs again. _God please never stop that I love your laugh._

“Forget what I said.” Isak’s cheeks turn red. 

“No way!” Even says as he comes closer to Isak, but then something seems to draw his attention. 

“What?” Isak asks, completely flustered by the proximity in which they are standing next to each other. 

_Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you_

_I drink too much and that’s an issue but I’m okay_

“I love this song!” Even says as he turns the volume up. 

__

__

_Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them_

_But I hope I never see them again._

“Nei!” Isak shouts. “This is complete shit.” 

_So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover_

_That I know you can’t afford_

_Bite that tattoo on your shoulder_

Even is lip-syncing the lyrics and Isak looks down in embarrassment. 

_Pull the sheets right off the corner_

_Of the mattress that you stole_

_From your roommate back in Boulder_

_We ain’t ever getting older_

"Honestly, you stopped surprising me after Gabrielle” Isak suddenly comments. 

Even stops in his tracks “How do you know about Gabrielle?” 

“Ughh you told me?” 

“Not recently. No. Fuck you are remebering shit.” Suddenly Even pulls him and he kisses him. It is soft and sweet, lips barely brushing against each other. Even is cupping his face gently and Isak is melting under his touch. _Do we do this often? It feels like a first time to me._

“Maybe that’s what we need to do. Redo some of our memories” Evem says pulling away. 

“Nei Even. You are not making me break into a house 'to go for a swim' again!" 

"Oh my god!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. This chapter was getting too sad and I wanted to end it in a lighter tone. But don't get too excited, just because Isak remebers a few things it doesn't mean that all his memories are back. He still has a long way to go.  
> *  
> The thing about Mikael grieving Even- I read it in another fic that I can't find right now and loved it. I added it becasue I felt like it described Even's feelings very well in this situation.  
> *  
> That song. (The chainsmokers-Closer in case you didn't know it) Oh my god I hate that song with a burning passion, literally the most annoying one I could think of. It was so popular where I live last year-or was it two years ago? I heard it everywhere. Think about listening to the same song 20 times a day.  
> *  
> The next chapter is an emotional rollercoaster, so grab some tissues. But it is probably also the last one. I am not sure yet.


	4. Fuck baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you grabbed some tissues. That's all I am going to say.

"Can I hug you?" Even asks, eyes full of hope.

"We've been making out for like 5 minutes and now you are asking if you can hug me? What the fuck?" Isak responds.

"Well can I?" _Do you know how many times I had to phisically stop myself from lunging at you?_

"Of course!"

And Even pulls him into his arms, holds him tight, putting his head in the crook of Isak's neck to inhale his scent.

"Fuck I missed this. I missed you so much baby." Even says and then smiles seeing the effect the nickname had on Isak, who is blushing furiously. _You are so sweet oh my god._

"This is a bit too much for a first date." Isak mumbles, face muffled on his chest..

Even doesn't know if he should laugh or cry at those words.

"You thought this was a first date? I can do better if you want a second first date."

"Well considering our first date consisted of us eating cheese toasties, yes, I sure hope you can do better."

"You remember that too? Are all your memories back?!"

Isak pulls away. "No. I am sorry. It's just little glimpses here and there. I don't even know where they are coming from-"

"It's okay. It's fine, It's a huge improvement anyway." 

Even couldn't be happier, he felt as if a huge weight had been lifted of his shoulders and he could finally breathe again. _He's back he's back he's back_. Well not exactly yet, but they are getting there and Even knows exactly how to help him now. He cups Isak's face to look into his eyes _I missed this green so much_ and pulls him into a hug again, and then they are just rocking their bodies back and forth in the kitchen with the smell of...burnt eggs.

"Shit. The eggs."

***

And so, bits by bits and day by day, Isak's memories were slowly coming back.

"Even, how's my mom doing?! Do you know anything about her?"

"She is doing fine. She is in that care facility, remember?"

"Oh yes...what about my father?"

"Ugh..I don't know if you remeber this but he moved in Sweden with his new wife last year. I called him when you were in the hospital and he...sent you some money."

"Are you kidding me?! What an asshole! I almost died and he still didn't give a shit about me? He only sent money? What if I did die? Would he have cared then?"

"Please stop talking about you dying. It's too much."

"Okay. Sorry."

***

"I have to call Jonas..."

"And Sana! Oh my god Even, did I tell you that she brought me forget-me-not flowers at the hospital. Can you believe it?"

***

"I have something for you." Even says five days later afer their kitchen talk. They are cuddling on the bed and drinking tea.

 "It initially had another purpose but...anyway I hope you will like it." He continues as he puts the cd in the laptop.

*

It's a movie with a lot of footage of them. And of course that Gabrielle's songs are playing. Of course. But there's also an Ed Sheeran song. There are photos taken as long as 4 years ago, when they were 17 and 19 and falling for each other, but there are also selfies taken yesterday with Even sleeping on Isak's chest. (because after everything that happened, Isak's heartbeat became his favoutite sound). There is a photo of the damn day when they made out in the rain for an hour because they were both idiots who lost their keys. There are also a lot of videos.

_"How much do you love me?" Even asks a drunk Isak who is lying on the floor._

_"This much" Isak responds opening his arms as much as he can._

_"That's a lot of love" Even says giggling._

_"Still not enough." Isak slurs. "Cause *hiccup* I love you to the moon and back"_

The last image is of Even saying Elsker deg.

*

Isak is already crying and sobbing by the time the video cuts to black. While watching it, something clicked in his brain. Over the course of the past few days he got flashes and glimpses of his past, little puzzle pieces that were forming, or trying to form a bigger picture, one that he still couldn't see no matter how hard he tried. But now, after watching his own life unfold before his eyes, everything was crushing down, flooding his mind and soul with such a huge force that he could barely breathe under the pressure of it all.

"Fuck Even, that was so beautiful." He manages to mutter when his mind clears a little and he doesn't feel like suffocating anymore.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Oh my god. And I remeber all of them. That day in the rain...I remeber everything."

"You do?"

"Yes. Yes. Baby I love you" Isak says pulling him into his arms.

"You are back" Even whispers.

"I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what you've been through. Fuck baby." Isak says between hiccups as he is still crying.

"What I've been through? What about you? I was losing my mind when that doctor asked you to rate your pain and you said 7. I just wanted to take it all away fuck you were hurting so much. And then you looked like a lost child when you couldn't remeber anything. God." 

*

They are sleeping  in each other's arms that night, face to face and pressed together so close, as if they were a single body, when Even starts to get restless and sweat profoundly. Isak slowly blinks his eyes open at the motion of the mattress.

Even is shaking and mumbling: _wake up wake up please don't live me,_ repeating the words over and over.

Isak's eyes widen at that, but he pulls himself together and tries to shake Even awake from the throes of his nightmare.

Even's body jerks awake suddenly and he starts breathing heavily and looking around, but when he sees Isak next to him, he lunges at him and holds him tight, so tight that Isak almost can't breathe but he doesn't dare say anything.

"I'm here" Isak tries to soothe him while rubbing circles on his back.

"You are here." Even repeats the words as if he couldn't quite believe it.

"I am here and I am not going anywhere."

*  
The next morning they are still spooning on the bed and Even is stroking Isak's hair gently when Isak speaks up:

"I remeber the accident now. And the coma."

Even's hand stills.

"Fuck I heard everything you told me. Everything. You brought me back."

"Shut up." Even mutters.

"No I am serious" Isak says as he lifts Even's chin to make him look into his eyes. _Blue and green. Green and blue._

"And before that too. You know what my last thought was before blacking out when I crashed? That I can't leave you because you would suffer too much. And then during the coma, I was floating in this vastness of darkness and I heard you. And I had no idea what was going on around me but I just knew that I have to wake up. For you"

"Fuck" Even says and now he is crying.

"How did you hold up baby?" Isak says as he wipes away Even's tears. "I don't think I would have survived if the situation was reversed...You are so strong."

"No. I'm not. It was so hard. I think I just refused to think that you could die. I just didn't want to accept that as an alternative."

Isak's face softens. "I told you that I am tough. Not even a car accident could kill me."

"Shut up!" Even says but his eyes are crincking with laughter.

***  


"Do you know what happened to the other driver though?"

"I don't give a shit and you shouldn't either. He's the one who brought you in this state."

"Even come on. Tell me, I am curious."

"Fine. He died on the spot. And it wasn't your fault by the way. The accident I mean. That's what the policemen said. He was drunk apparently and he crashed into you. They found alcohol in his bloodstream."

"Fuck...and I just realised, our car must be completely trashed. I'm so sorry."

"Are you kidding me?! I couldn't care less about a fucking car. We'll just buy a new one." 

***

Things were pretty much going back to normal after that. Isak went back to med school and work. They even went to a party together. 

Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi all greeted him happily and clapped him on the back. 

"It's good to have you back man." Jonas says. "I was so worried about you-" when Magnus and Mahdi cough Jonas corrects himself: I mean **we** were...but me the most." 

Isak laughed: "It's good to be back. And thank you for coming to see me at the hospital by the way." 

"You remember that?" Magnus asked, mouth gaping. 

"Why wouldn't I? Isak frowned. "I didn't remember things that happened before the accident, not after it." 

"Fuck I am sorry I am too drunk to think." Magnus groaned. 

Three beers later and Isak was tipsy, not drunk but not exactly sober either. 

"Even I am horny as fuck let's go home and bang." 

Even raised his eyebrows and laughed while looking around to see if anybody heard him. 

"I don't think that is a good idea." 

"Why not?" Isak's cheeks were flushed. 

"Becuase it's too soon...I mean you are still recovering and stuff, the fact that you drank is bad enough already." 

"Oh...so you think that my heart will literally stop if we do it? Really? You think you are that good? If I survived all of this I think I can survive your dick Even!" 

"Oh my god! I can't believe you!" Even shoved him in the chest. 

*** 

They are sitting on a blanket on the grass and watching the stars glistening in the dark sky. Isak is lying with his head on Even's lap who is playing with his hair.

"Do you think there is an universe where I did die? Or one where I didn't get my memories back?" Isak says looking up at his boyfriend.

"Well if there are universe like that, I am glad I am not either of those Evens"

They sit in silence for a while, but then Even asks:

"Do you think there is a universe where it was me instead of you?"

Isak shivers: "Well if there is, I am glad I am not that Isak."

"Do you think-"

"Even, there are a million of possibilities and I don't want to think about them all. You saw what happened after our 'what if-talks.' Let's stop this shit."

Even laughs. "Maybe you will get bitten by a radioactive spider next."

"Fuck no!" 

*

"And if it was you in the accident maybe you wouldn't have been hurt that bad by the way. Because you would have worn the seatbelt."

Even's eyes widen: "You didn't wear a seatbelt?! What the fuck Isak?! Maybe half of this whole mess could have been avoided if you did. Oh my god. You had a hotel trauma? I will have a car trauma. I changed my mind, we are not buying a new car and you are not allowed near one on your own ever again!"

"Even!"

"I am serious!"

*

"Oh I just remembered. You said that you initially had another plan with the movie. What was that about?" Isak asks as he is sitting up.

"I...I was going to propose to you." Even murmurs.

"I was planning to propose too." Isak smiles.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I found a ring hidden in a drawer while I was still amnesiac and sleeping in the guest room. That's why I actually called you out on the 'we are roomates' bullshit."

They laugh and look at each other.

"This was the lamest mutual proposal in history" Even comments.

"Maybe. But will you? Isak asks.

"Will I what?" Even's voice cracks.

"Listen. I almost died. Three times to be more specific, I mean if you count the two times they revived me. (Once in the street and once during the coma.) But I came back. Every time. And I did it because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving you alone. And even when I was brain dead and had no idea who you are, I was still drawn to you. I have to say that you kept your promise by the way, because you did manage to make me fall in love with you again. If there is something that I learned is that life is short and it can end any time, time is precious and I don't want to waste any moment of the rest of my life now that I got this second chance. I don't know what more you want me to say." 

Isak bends down on one knee. "I don't have the ring with me now, but Mannen i mit liv, will you marry me?"

"Yes yes yes of course I will" Even says as he grabs Isak and then they are kissing and kissing under the stars and the pale light of the moon and everything is okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The accident happened at 21:21. I didn't mention this in the story because Isak doesn't know and it's better for Even if he doesn't. Like, that number is theirs, and it wouldn't be fair to make it into something that reminds them of a horrible moment. And it was also raining as I mentioned in the second chapter. So Isak was once again reborn. (See what I did there?) I loved all the symbolism in the show.  
> *  
> I have to admit that when I started writing this fic I didn't want to make Isak get his memories back. My initial plan was to make them fall in love again even if Isak can't remeber Even. So like a strangers (in Isak's view) to lovers kind of fic, a very sad one. But I felt really bad about it and said fuck it, they deserve a happy ending. So I came up with this very cheesy ending instead. You're welcome. You can consider my first plan a parallel universe.  
> *  
> I don't know if Isak getting his memories back felt too rushed, but I didn't want to drag the story (and their pain) for too long. I hope you still enjoyed it though. They will probably both deal with ptsd for a while but it is fine because they have each other.  
> *  
> I didn't mention this either because it was dark enough already, but because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, Isak was propulsed outside the windscreen, thus the reason he was injured that badly.  
> Now as a life lesson: Don't drink and drive and wear the seatbelt kids.  
> *  
> Edit: I wrote an au of this story called "Don't you let me go"


End file.
